Movie Review: "Machete"

5. Fittingly released on Labor Day weekend, “Machete” represents the last of the summer movie dandelion wine and in a summer full of misfires and disappointments it comes tepid, flat and without much flavor.

4. The problem with “Machete” isn’t that it’s a bad movie, it’s that it’s not good at being bad in the way it wants to be.

3. The movie cheats on the promised gore, often quickly cutting away instead of really savoring the bloodlust a la "Dead Alive,” and though the film delivers some quality female nudity and a few laughs (most of which I think were intentional), it’s not quite bad enough to be good.

2. Nobody at the Academy planned to carve any Best Actor or Best Actress statues for “Machete,” but even Robert DeNiro is crummy and annoying in this flick.

1. If nothing else, “Machete” proves looks aren’t everything — the phony trailer that inspired this turn looked good but the finished product wasn’t, Jessica Alba looks good but can’t act and Danny Trejo may have one of Hollywood’s best faces but he’s a step down from Alba in acting.

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"Machete"
Run time: 1 hour, 45 minutes
Rated R‎‎
Genre: Action-Adventure‎
Director: Ethan Maniquis
Cast: Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Robert De Niro, Michelle Rodriguez amd Lindsay Lohan
Finney's Flicks Grade: C-